What’s Wrong With Masculinity

I know the meme seems silly and perhaps trite, but it’s true. (It’s also the first meme I created myself and I’m quite proud of it.) Let me explain.

In Western society especially, it’s generally seen as desirable to be masculine. The trouble is, nobody has a good definition of what masculinity means. Much of what we associate with it is not at all useful – some of it is destructive , but mostly it’s irrelevant. Some tasks require a lot of physical strength, but with modern engineering and tools a healthy woman can do those jobs just as well.

We care less and less about it as time goes on. It’s now acceptable for men to be camp, or gay, or show emotion, or to have jobs or hobbies traditionally associated with women: nursing, teaching, knitting, crafts. Mostly, nobody cares, and most people feel more comfortable with men who don’t fit the stereotype.

Yet, the media and popular culture perpetuates a myth of masculinity: big strong men who show no fear, who do the right things and solve problems directly, often violently. These mythical men never suffer from mental illness, are rigidly cisgender and heterosexual, and usually get the girl at the end by forcing a kiss until she melts in his muscular arms.

We all know this is rubbish and that real men, like people of any gender, negotiate a complex set of social and practical problems every day. We also know that kissing anybody without consent is liable to land you in court on a sexual assault charge

But what if a man’s masculinity is threatened, or in doubt? Perhaps he lacks agency in his work or relationships; maybe he is physically frail or suffers from poor body image or a small penis (I wasn’t joking). He could be repressing some sexuality or gender expression issue.

At this point he might look to Hollywood role models, becoming sullen, confrontational, defensive, violent. He might take up a traditionally masculine activity, like football or heavy drinking. Perhaps he’ll buy a big gun, or a powerful car that he’ll drive too fast, or become controlling and abusive in his personal life.

Let’s face it – if you’re happy in your skin you don’t need all that shit.

To sum up, the more I see you trying to prove your masculinity, the more certain I am that it’s flawed, and that you have a really tiny dick.

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