HORROR HAIKUS

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Just a silly idea I had, because people are posting drabbles and two sentence horror stories.  So why not haikus?  Here are my first few attempts.

You think you’re safe here

In the crowd, the crush of flesh.

I’m right behind you.

 

Rose’s are red now

They were lighter before I

Made the incision

 

You smile when I say

I’m going to let you go now.

I’m such a liar.

 

Please be a monster

Sent from Hell to eat children

Not Daddy again.

 

Keep the curtains closed

So that we know the monster

Isn’t really there.

 

Time to reminisce

Might as well while punctured lungs

Slowly fill with blood.

 

Walking through the woods

You spot me in the shadows

Should have got the bus

 

Phone beeps. Text. You read

“Your hair looks nice.” You look round

Your eyes are nice too.

 

Come to Aunt Lucy

I know a place we can play

I’ll teach you the game.

 

Piles of little bones

Each topped with a child-sized skull

Lovingly polished.

 

Footsteps, heavy breathing.

Faster, catching up.  You turn.

Snick, squelch, drip.  Too late.

 

Curtains twitch, peek out.

Empty street. Relax.  But I’m

Already inside.

 

Say that again please.

No, not you Doctor. I meant

The voice in my head.

Frightfest Glasgow 2014

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Frightfest Glasgow 2014

 

First, the event itself is lots of fun.  There’s a good atmosphere, it’s well organised and everyone has a good time.  The GFT is the perfect venue with comfy seats, and it’s handy for lots of good fast food places.  It’s a place for people like me to go and for once not feel like the freaky pervert.  But here is a short review for each film.

 

 

PROXY.                      êêêê

 

A realistic and well-acted indie film which tackles lots of issues in a fairly subtle way.  I can’t tell you much detail without spoilers, but it starts with a heavily pregnant woman losing her baby after a violent attack.

 

There are four main characters, all of whom are psychologically abnormal in some way.  One appears to sociopathic; one is just an attention seeker; there’s a violent psychopath and a full-blown paranoid psychotic.  Importantly, they all have secrets and none of them communicate fully with each other or the outside world.

 

An intriguing film, with some nice touches and genuine surprises, but it rather lacked pace.  It dragged a bit in the middle and I found my interest flagging.

 

 

WOLFCREEK 2.       êê

 

I haven’t seen Wolf Creek 1 – I don’t like the whole torture porn thing so I never fancied it.  So I wasn’t looking forward to this.

 

It starts with the anti-hero being wrongly stopped by two policemen.  Five minutes later the cops are dead, but he seemed not to want to kill them and he only did it because they were being unreasonable.  He also seems to have a sense of humour so the audience warms to him.  However, as the movie progresses, we realise just how evil he is, and we are invited to laugh along with him as he rapes, tortures and murders his way through the film.  And the big reveal is that he does it all to purify Australia – he only kills tourists unless he really as to kill somebody else.  So he’s racist too.

 

It has some things going for it: some of the humour was good and I liked that first victims were a young German couple. We automatically liked them better than we would any English speakers.

 

My depravity filter is set quite high, but there has to be a reason for it –  here the plot was repetitive and derivative, and there wasn’t enough fun to make up for the general yuckiness of it.  I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody really.

 

 

SACRAMENT            êêê

 

A retelling of the Jonestown massacre story, in found footage form.  This is a classy and serious piece of work that stays fairly true to the source material, despite updating to the present.  An excellent set-up and some fine performances from the leads but I felt it never really engaged with the issues raised, and I found it a little po-faced for my taste.

 

 

AFFLICTED               êêêê

 

The phrase found footage vampire movie would make most horror fans groan and go to the bar, but this proves that with a bit of imagination it’s still possible to make a great movie despite the clichés.

 

Two young American guys go on a world travel adventure because one of them has a terminal illness.  In Paris, the sick guy is bitten by a woman at a party then he gradually develops symptoms – bad skin, aversion to sunlight, nausea.  So far so familiar, right?

 

But the characterisation is utterly convincing, the protagonist sympathetic even as he turns into a monster, and the relationship between the two actors is perfectly conveyed.  Also, the make up and special effects are spectacular for this kind of low-budget horror, and it’s not at all romantic.  Even the ending, which almost turns into a superhero movie, is logical and in keeping with the mood of the film.

 

Recommended.

 

 

VIDEO NASTIES: DRACONIAN DAYS      êêê

 

A documentary about The Ferman Era – the period from 1084-1989 when James Ferman was in charge of the BBFC.  It’s the sequel to Video Nasties: Moral Panic, Censorship and Videotape, directed by the same guy.

 

It was quite interesting, but it didn’t tell me much I didn’t know already.  It was fun to hear people reminisce about what they had to go through to acquire uncensored horror and erotic videos, and the whole underground distribution network that existed.  It’s unimaginable now that anyone could be arrested for owning a copy of Zombie Flesh Eaters or Deep Throat.

 

I also also that it showed Fernman fairly without demonizing him.  He was a product of his time and class, doing a high-pressure job under a difficult legislative regime and trying to balance liberal values with deeply ingrained moral conservatism.

 

At Frightfest it was followed by a Q&A with the director, some of the contributors and the current head of the BBFC, which is currently implementing new guidelines that came into force in February.

 

Fun and quite interesting, but probably only for horror enthusiasts.

 

 

THE SCRIBBLER                   êêê

 

Very much in the comic book style – visually striking with some excellent special effects.  It morphs half way through from a crime thriller to a superhero story, set in a halfway house where mentally ill people prepare for their reintegration into society.

 

The characters have an entertaining variety of disorders, and the protagonist suffers from multiple personality disorder, but it didn’t come across as exploitative – there was no making fun of the mentally ill.

 

The tone and the fantastic visuals imply some great philosophical profundity, but really it’s all gloss.  It’s a bit of fun, and I liked it.

 

 

TORMENT                 ê

 

I think the Frightfest organisers let me down this time.  I go to festivals because I expect the films to have been vetted and the dross eliminated.  They must have been drunk when they agreed to this

 

A clichéd home invasion movie, copied almost shot for shot from a dozen better films – it’s most reminiscent of last year’s You’re Next, which I enjoyed more than most people.  A few moments of tension and jumps, but no logic, no explanations, no reason to care.  No reason to watch.

 

 

MINDSCAPE               êêêê

 

This one is not a horror movie at all, but a complex psychological thriller, somewhat in the style of Inception.  The setup is a multi-layered reality, in which memory detectives can enter people’s memories to discover evidence for police or other interested parties.

 

When one such detective is assigned a disturbed teenage genius the fun begins.

 

Memories are unreliable, so we never know if what we’re seeing is actually real, or similar to what happened.  Very good indeed, brilliantly acted and a twist I didn’t see coming.

 

 

ALMOST HUMAN    êê

 

Low budget and a bit trashy, this is in the style of 1980s sci-fi horrors like XTRO.  There is obviously an affection for the genre and it gets extra points from me for having been made by enthusiasts with their own money.

 

However, the writing, acting, effects and dialogue were all pretty ropey, and it never really got scary, but it was a harmless enough way to pass 80 minutes.

 

 

KILLERS                    êêêê

 

Three main characters, all murderers.  One is a despotic politician, one a confused psychopath, and the third a fan of the psychopath’s video channel.

 

At first viewing it seems to be about voyeurism and sadism, and the things that happen are as nasty as anything you’ll see, even from Japan.  But behind all the blood is a sympathetic exploration of two damaged characters (The politician is just evil) and their struggle to find a place in modern society.

 

A dark but highly intelligent thriller, recommended for strong stomachs.